Sometimes it's just knowing we missed our period and having that ''no...could I be?'' moment. Sometimes it's being put off our favourite food, or vomiting, or that unexplainable feeling of needing 16 hours of sleep a day and still being dead on your feet - sometimes we don't know at all, not until a doctor asks you.. ''Are you aware you are pregnant?''....
For me, it was noticing my nails had grown at a ridiculous rate. And when I say ridiculous, I truly mean it. I had fake nails from the age of 16 until I was 25, and all of a sudden, 27 with beautiful long, strong nails? I don't think so. I knew within 3 weeks of being pregnant that something had changed. I just knew it.
My husband and I got married in November 2014 and were lucky enough to conceive almost instantly. I couldn't believe in just over a month of being married, and not consciously trying (but not not trying either) - we had created a little life.
And then the FUN started! (insert sarcasm here)
All of a sudden I wanted to sleep. ALL. THE. TIME.
I found myself napping in my car every chance I got, falling asleep as soon as I got home from work, struggling to wake up in the mornings. I couldn't eat anything without feeling like I might literally die. The Elevit vitamins I had begun taking made me feel like I had been hungover my entire life. **Ginger beer did the trick to help ease the pain!
At this point, I realised I had been ignoring my friends and family, as we discussed we wouldn't tell anyone until we were at least 3 months along. I had such a hard time with this, I really needed my Mum (fitting!). She's the first person I call (apart from husband) every time I have exciting news, or when I'm feeling down, or just need a general chat and it was extremely hard keeping it from her. I felt like I lived in a bubble with my husband for 3 months, like I was this fragile piece of glass that could break at any moment.
I was careful with every move I made, every thing I ate, every little feeling I had. I even found myself doing crazy things like checking for blood every time I went to the bathroom (I know I am definitely not the only culprit of doing this!). All of a sudden Google became my best friend I kept thinking and googling crazy things like why am I cramping so much? Is this normal? I need to call the doctor. Should I be feeling this? Why is my stomach so flat? Is it weird to have migraines every day? Am I getting enough iron? Am I allowed to lay on my back? Is a heatpack going to burn the baby? (Yes, seriously.) Google said this! Google said that! I was losing my mind!
At this point, I realised I had been ignoring my friends and family, as we discussed we wouldn't tell anyone until we were at least 3 months along. I had such a hard time with this, I really needed my Mum (fitting!). She's the first person I call (apart from husband) every time I have exciting news, or when I'm feeling down, or just need a general chat and it was extremely hard keeping it from her. I felt like I lived in a bubble with my husband for 3 months, like I was this fragile piece of glass that could break at any moment.
I was careful with every move I made, every thing I ate, every little feeling I had. I even found myself doing crazy things like checking for blood every time I went to the bathroom (I know I am definitely not the only culprit of doing this!). All of a sudden Google became my best friend I kept thinking and googling crazy things like why am I cramping so much? Is this normal? I need to call the doctor. Should I be feeling this? Why is my stomach so flat? Is it weird to have migraines every day? Am I getting enough iron? Am I allowed to lay on my back? Is a heatpack going to burn the baby? (Yes, seriously.) Google said this! Google said that! I was losing my mind!
Miscarriage is so common, and can happen at any time. That scared the poo out of me.
I think the anxiety I caused myself was probably the worst thing I could have done.. but let's be honest, I couldn't help it! I had downloaded the Babycentre My Pregnancy App - it connects you with Mums-to-be who are also due at the same time as you. I swear, every time I checked, someone else was saying goodbye as another miscarriage had happened. It was terribly sad. Before too long - I had to stop checking the app and just keep as positive as possible.
Why is it that this joyous occasion, one of the biggest miracles known to us, the one thing that can fill you with so much happiness and love - can also cause you to live in terrible anxiety and fear?
Pregnancy was sure starting off different to what I had imagined!
Pregnancy was sure starting off different to what I had imagined!
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