Tips For Birth Partners!

Hi birth partner!

So let's be real, unless you are the most chilled out person in the world, you're probably going to experience a myriad of emotions for most of the labour. It's not nice seeing someone you love in so much pain. It's also very nerve-racking as you don't really know what to expect, no matter how many books you read or classes you went to, I'm not entirely sure you can ever really be ready. Neither of you probably will be, especially if this is your first baby.

Here's the top tips for being a great birth partner:

Support, support, support.

If your partner has a birth plan, discuss it much earlier on so you both know what it is. Talk to your partner before the labour so you know exactly what to say when the nurses and doctors ask, especially if she can't answer for herself. Be ready to take charge. When your partner is going through something like this, she may be very overwhelmed and may not be able to make the harder decisions without your help.

Be aware and be present. Don't sit on your phone scrolling through Facebook and offer to show her the funny video you just watched about cats. Keep an eye on her body language and watch her for signals. It's very reassuring to have someone calm with you when you are going through something unpleasant, so if you see a contraction happening or you see her begin to get anxious and fearful, help her to calm down in whatever way she needs.

Learn to time contractions. There's a bunch of apps you can download, or alternatively you can use the stopwatch on your mobile and make notes. What you need to remember is:
When did the contractions start
How far apart are the contractions
How long does each one last

Care for yourself. No one wants to ask ''where's (your name)'' and see you passed out on the floor because you have forgotten to eat or drink anything for hours. Make sure you are on top of your needs. There will be a lot of waiting, so in between, make sure you grab something to eat and drink, or bring it with you from home so you can access it easily without having to go anywhere. Get some fresh air if you need it, go for a walk. A good birth partner is a relaxed birth partner.

Keep calm. Be prepared to experience some really full on stuff. Not all birth stories are horror stories, and we always hope for an easy, beautiful labour. But be prepared there may be blood, screaming, pain, tears, frustration and even aggression. If you feel like you need a second to regain composure, go outside, take some deep breaths or go for a walk. After the labour, be prepared that you are about to meet your little person for the first time and you will probably feel a lot of emotions you've never felt before. It will be a complete rollercoaster ride!

Don't take anything personally. If your partner flips out - it's got nothing to do with you, it's completely situation. She won't even remember saying anything, so neither should you. She may want you to massage her lower back for one second, then scream and you to stop, then scream at you for stopping. There's no right or wrong, just attend to her every need. If there's any time for your partner to be a complete psycho, this is it. And if there's any time for you to deal with it with a smile on your face, this is definitely it.

Don't forget the bags!
You may also want to pack a few things for yourself.
- Snacks
- Camera
- Drinks
- Change of clothes
- Coins for parking
- Toiletries 

This will be one of the most amazing things you will probably ever experience. This post isn't meant to scare you away - it's meant to prepare you so you aren't in shock!

Am I In Labour?

Did you know there are three stages of labour?

Shall we discuss the first stage? This is known as the ''holy shit I think I am in labour'' stage, and you will probably need to head to the hospital soon. This can also be the LONGEST stage of birth.

The big question, is this labour for real? Or is it a false alarm? Well, here's how to tell (in no particular order);

Contractions! These can start as a backache/cramping feeling. I'd say it's the tricky one! It's hard to tell if you are actually going into labour or experiencing Braxton Hicks. I am one of the ''lucky'' women who experiences Braxton Hicks and actually feels them.. like really feels them.
Many women describe actual contractions as feeling like you are about to get your period. If you put your hand on your abdomen you will feel the tightening of the muscles in your womb getting harder, when the contraction eases, you will feel your abdomen soften, this is your body moving the baby down and opening your cervix in preparation for birth. You will also feel a lot of pressure, or like your organs might fall out of your bum.
If this is happening, grab a pen and paper and open up the stopwatch on your phone and start timing. You want to know how long each one goes for, the time between each one and how consistent they are. This will help you decipher if you are having real contractions or not. Braxton Hicks are VERY good at mimicking real contractions.
The difference between the two:
Braxton Hicks don't last longer over time (they last around 30 seconds to a minute)
They don't get closer together (they come at very irregular times - maybe once or twice a day)
They don't get stronger when you walk or move around (they generally stop when you change position)
You should call your doctor or midwife if;
You experience 4 or more contractions in an hour
If you experience any nausea or vomiting or loose bowel movements
If there's an increase in pressure in your pelvis or vagina
In saying all of that, if you are anything like me, the above won't mean much to you. I was on the phone to the doc, Braxton Hicks or not!

If your water breaks. The 'water' that we are talking about is the amniotic fluid your baby has been floating around in all these months. One thing I have learnt, your water breaking doesn't necessarily mean you are going feel like the Niagra Falls just fell out of your pants - although, this may actually happen to you.
Your water breaking might be a tiny trickle, or it might be a very slow leaking fluid, in fact - you might not even notice it at all! If you are worried about being embarrassed about this happening in public, keep a pad handy. I was also given the advice to sit on a plastic bag in my car, and get a little plastic sheet for sleeping (but really who could be bothered with that). Some women say they felt a ''pop'' before their water broke, and sometimes it can happen when you're already in hospital and your baby is already well on his/her way! This is definitely a tell sign that labour is happening soon.

The Bloody Show. Sounds absolutely delightful, doesn't it? This is also known as the mucus plug. Let's put it this way. If your vagina was a bottle of wine, this would be like popping the cork. The 'cork' has been the little blockage stopping any infection getting to your baby. The funny thing about the mucus plug is that you can lose it at any stage, and may not mean anything unless you feel contractions. Some women have lost their mucus plug weeks before they went into actual labour.
So, what is it and how do you tell what it is?
The bloody show is a sign that your cervix is softening to prepare itself for labour. The mucus plug itself is like a sticky discharge, it can be tinged with blood. It can be brown, pinkish or reddish in colour. Some women don't even notice it at all, you might do a quick wee, wipe and flush without ever knowing. If you happen to notice it, call your doctor and let them know.
Although, it's very important you contact your doctor immediately if it's accompanied by any of the below;
You are feeling contractions
You are feeling painful cramping
If there is any bright red bleeding
If your discharge increases more than normal
It happens before you are 36 weeks pregnant (to rule out preterm labour)

Thanks to the lovely Braxton Hicks contractions I have been feeling since Saturday night, it's safe to say a ''drug free labour'' is totally off the cards for me - honestly if real contractions are 100 times worse, I think I would pass out if I actually had to feel them.
If this is your first child, you won't know what contractions feel like (which I didn't), so we spent a little time in the hospital yesterday to rule out preterm labour. Turns out Braxton Hicks contractions can feel VERY feel, so if you happen to experience anything like what you think contractions might be - my advice would be to call your Ob, your midwife or your hospital and let them know what you are experiencing. You might think you have Braxton Hicks, but it might also be the real deal. Always better to be safe than sorry!

If you are feeling the real deal or have had any of the other signs - congratulations!!! You will most likely be meeting your little baby soon :) Could there be anything more exciting?!

Bonding With Your Bump

Maternity Leave has begun and I've really had a chance to bond with my bump and spend a lot of time imagining what it's going to be like when he arrives.
It was really hard in the beginning of the pregnancy to feel that 'connection' for me, mostly because I didn't show until I was about 7 months and it almost didn't feel real. I'm sure a lot of other people were wondering if it was real too, haha. If you are finding that you feel the same, I have some perfect ways for you and your partner to bond with your bump!

Talk to your belly. I talk to him like he's my best friend, like he's sitting on the couch next to me. I tell him about what I did during the day, what my thoughts are, what I'm excited about, what I see for him in the future, the holidays we are going to take, the fun things we are going to do together like decorating the house for Christmas and watching fireworks on New Years Eve. The more I talk to him, the more I feel a connection with what our lives will actually be like in the not too distant future. I can't even tell you how excited it makes me!

Singing! I sing to my belly every single day, there's a few songs that I have been singing since I found out that I was pregnant. I'm really excited to see if he reacts to them once he is born. We also play a lot of music, and a lot of different kinds of music. It's really nice to just sit in the chair in the nursery and play music, rub my belly and close my eyes. He kicks a lot when I do it, so I assume he likes it too. Either that or he is very particular already and he's telling me to skip to the next track!

Bring it down a notch! You are probably freaking out over the million things you want to do before you give birth, but you will be fine. Nesting will probably kick in soon and you might feel like you need to go go go. Make sure you take some time out every single day to just sit and relax, and think about how much of a blessing it is to have what you have in your life right now.

Get your partner involved. Have them rub your belly and talk to your belly. He/she can hear you, and loves to hear you. The one thing you have to remember is that your baby is now sensitive to light, to voices and he/she can feel you when you touch your belly. I love watching my husbands face when he gets a nice big kick!

Take photos and write in your diary! One of my favourite things is to look at photos of the ultrasounds, photos of my belly, or read my diary and really feel that connection and joy.

Write a letter to your future son/daughter. I haven't done this yet, but I do plan on it. I imagine giving it to him when he's a little older and watching him react to all the crazy things that I went through just to get him here. It will also help you to visualise what you want for him/her in the future and for their life.

Remember - if you feel like you haven't been bonding with your bump - don't worry. I promise they won't hold it against you. Try when you can, and if you are simply too busy running around with work and other children or just life in general, I have no doubt you will more than make up for it when he/she actually arrives, and he/she will know exactly how much you love them.

Pregnancy is almost over for me, and it's really nice to be able to take it all in and appreciate this special time.

Things No One Told Me!

So I'm nearing the end of my pregnancy now, and having a little moment of reminiscing about all the things that not a single person told me! Sometimes I think - women must forget? I thought pregnancy would be all roses and skipping through a garden under a rainbow.. I was so wrong. It's the craziest rollercoaster ride I've ever been on, but I wouldn't change it for the world.

I am 8 months pregnant now and these are a list of things I have realised throughout my journey so far:

It's actually possible for morning sickness to last all day and night. There is no point in calling it "morning sickness". I was pretty lucky and only had nausea for about 2 weeks right at the beginning of my pregnancy. But let me tell you, the women who have nausea throughout their entire pregnancy deserve ...I can't even think of anything good enough to give them for their efforts. They deserve something really amazing.

You never thought that knowing you are going to become a Mother could fill you with so much love and gratefulness, and make you feel so full. You are perfectly happy to sacrifice your body and anything else you need to, to make sure that the little thing growing inside you is safe and healthy.

You think about the baby around every....10 minutes. Sometimes even less, sometimes every 5 minutes. Sometimes every 30 seconds.

You are very misinformed if you think it is healthy to be ''eating for two'', it's a terrible excuse and probably worse for you and your baby than you realise. Really, you probably only need an extra 300-400 calories a day, but sometimes....you just have to indulge. Last night I read that someone ate a whole jar of Nutella in one go, when I told my husband he gave me the ''that's insane'' look...little did he know, I was eyeing off the jar in the pantry. Sorry not sorry.

When you feel your baby kick for the first time, it's okay to stop what ever you are doing and have a moment. I pulled over in the car and had a cry, and then a laugh, and then I called my husband and cried some more. It's probably the most amazing thing to feel. Then, the kicks get harder and your organs feel like they are being popped. And even still, you wouldn't change it.

I'm not glowing, it's sweat. Please stop.

Can you imagine a world where merely a whiff of deli meat or fish, or cigarette smoke can make you gag in public? I feel like I can smell EVERYTHING. I could tell you what you ate for dinner last night but it would be awkward. I can't tell you the amount of times I was walking through the supermarket and had to run from the aisle I was in, literally, run.

You get to a certain point where you don't walk normally anymore, it sort of turns into a strange waddle.

People will just touch your belly, and not the ''okay'' people like loved ones - I mean random people. Or they stare at my belly, and then slowly eye off my hand to see if I have a wedding ring on.

People will give you their opinion even if you don't ask for it. This includes strangers too. I found myself doing a lot of nodding and smiling, and then imagining strangling them while they were talking.

If I'm not freezing cold, I'm DYING from heat. There is no in between. Sorry to all the people in my office who had to deal with me turning off the heater every -100 degree morning.

If someone doesn't agree with you about something, anything - you may murder them. Literally. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T LIKE THIS PRAM???

It's actually impossible for me to be rational right now so I'm trying not to make any big decisions. Who would have thought choosing between grey or white sheets could make you want to sit on the ground and cry in the middle of a baby store?

No matter how hard I try, I genuinely can't control my emotions. I am currently writing a pregnancy diary so I can look back and apologise to my husband and family for all the crazy things that I have done. I'm already so sorry, but it doesn't stop me from doing the next pain in the ass thing.

There's a really long and strange in between period of looking like you did before you were pregnant, and actually looking pregnant. It doesn't really matter what you wear. You just look like you have eaten a lot of KFC and forgotten that the gym exists. People won't know if you are or if you aren't, and they are too afraid to ask.

You can actually bloat so much that you need help to stand up. By the time you hit around 34 weeks, you need help sitting up and standing up all the time anyway!

Buy lots of LONG tops so your belly doesn't hang out the bottom of your shirt at inappropriate times. Like at the end of a business meeting when you stand up to shake someone's hand and realise they can see everything. Oops!

Don't put all your thoughts into what's happening with your pregnancy, it doesn't last. What lasts is what happens AFTER - aka. being responsible for a human life. Do as much research as possible & get educated about giving birth and being a parent. All those pregnancy books that you thought people just read in the movies? Read them.

You get to wear sweats and leggings in public at all times and not be embarrassed. In fact, I don't even feel ashamed to wear slippers to the supermarket.

You think about what's going on inside your body and you are dumbfounded, you didn't realise how beautiful and magical it really is to be able to grow a human life.

You think you are still capable of doing all the things you did before you were pregnant. Like helping your parents move from your family home and try packing up 15 years of life. Do not attempt this!

As you go on, sleeping becomes worse and worse. In the beginning you could literally fall asleep ANYWHERE at any time. Even by accident. It's impossible to watch a movie on the couch. 15 hours straight and it's not enough. Then sleep becomes less. All of a sudden your hips are hurting, your back is hurting. You have restless legs that cramp up in the middle of the night and keep you awake. You have to use every ounce of your energy to slowly flip from your ride side to your left. You will never have enough pillows. You will get hot, cold, need to pee, need to drink water, need to eat. You will drive your significant other CRAZY (preparation perhaps?) and you will start to lose your mind because of it. Time no longer exists, it's just a weird routine of eating and napping.

Did you know your baby literally pees about a pint a day from a certain point? No wonder there's so much jiggling going on around there! That is a lot of pee.

You have a built in table which you can rest things on.

You don't know what you are going to feel like when you wake up. You might have a good day, you might have a bad day. You might have enough energy to climb Mount Everest or... you might not be able to bend down and put socks on. There's just no telling.

Fluid retention is scary. Like, poke your ankle and watch the dent slowly go back to normal scary. Your feet can also change an entire size! Mine luckily enough haven't, but if it happens to you - don't freak out.

You will google every single symptom you have, even if it's not that bad. If you haven't experienced a feeling or a pain before - your mind will probably think the worst straight away. Just ring your doctor or midwife and ask. Annoy them. I have.

Heartburn is literally the devil. Why should I have to fall asleep sitting up so I don't die? How is this fair??

You forget you have a belly and get stuck trying to pass small spaces you could normally fit through.

You will probably poo when you give birth. Don't worry, your doctor will be discreet. It's just poo, you should see the other stuff that's about to come out!

You can write a birth plan, but lets face it - it probably won't go to plan. I didn't need anyone to tell me this, I just knew, because my pregnancy has been so up and down it made me realise that whatever will be will be and we have absolutely no control over it. So make it easier for yourself, just let it be.

You might find that none of these crazy things happen to you and you have a perfect, pain free pregnancy (fingers crossed), this has been one of the best things (if not the best) to ever happen to me and no matter how much pain and emotional stress I have been through - it does not outweigh the excitement and love I feel for my soon to be born son.