A Baby With A Cold

My first official FREAK OUT after becoming a a parent.

I remember Elijah had just woken up from a nap, and his eyes were all red and gooey. It looked like some sort of conjunctivitis. I immediately rang the nurse on call (thank goodness for that little green book), and she slowly convinced me that it was not the end of the world. Little did I know, things were about to get a lot worse.

Initially, she told me to drop some breastmilk in his eye. So I did. Husband laughed, he said "how are you going to manage that? Your aim is going to have to be pretty good!", I realised when doing something that will help your baby, you are 100000000000 times more determined and capable. Like 'YEAH? WATCH ME DO IT' sort of thing. My aim was perfect, though Elijah didn't like it at ALL. He blinked away the milk, and when he fell asleep and woke back up, his eye was completely healed.

Then I noticed the sniffling.
It sounded like he may have just had a little milk in the back of his throat and it was making him a little congested, but then it slowly got worse and worse over night.

In the morning when he woke up his eyes were bloodshot, he couldn't breathe though his nose at all, and he was very, very distressed. So of course, I became very, very distressed.

I tried my hardest to calm myself down, and tried to tell myself that the sky wasn't falling in, but let me tell you - when your baby gets sick for the first time, there is no one that feels worse than you. Not even your baby. NO ONE.

Yes, it was just a cold. But to see Elijah suffer broke me into pieces. I instantly started blaming myself. "I'm a bad mother. I knew he was out too late that night. I knew it was too cold. I knew I should have put another blanket on him. I knew that lady we walked past at Coles was coughing and that he was too exposed. That bitch. I should have been able to prevent this. It's my fault. I'm a bad mother."...

I rang the doctor and took him in first thing. Initially, it wasn't too bad. She told me four things;
1. Use the ''snot sucker'' (as I like to call them) in each of his nostrils to try and draw out the mucus.
2. Turn on the shower and leave the fan off. Stand in the bathroom and let the steam into his lungs as often as possible.
3. Keep an eye on these things. Fever, rashes and inconsolable crying. If any of these things happen, go straight to the hospital.
4. Get a humidifier and place it next to his bed when he sleeps to help ease the congestion.

Elijah and I headed home and cuddled up on the couch. I was doing everything I possibly could to try and help him feel better. He was waking up every hour during the night, we were standing in the bathroom at all hours of the day and night.

I even (not recommended by SIDS) put books underneath his bassinet to raise it up in hopes that it would help him breathe a little better.

Feeding was almost impossible, due to the fact that he couldn't breathe through his nose. He would cry and cry and I couldn't do anything to make him understand. He would look at me with these eyes that said "Mummy, I'm hungry.. what's wrong with me..". It was literally tearing me apart. Then I would freak out about weight loss, and other things like if he isn't getting enough milk how will he get better?!

Slowly, he began to get worse and worse. We headed back to the doctor for a second time and were prescribed antibiotics. I really, really didn't want to give them to him. I was hoping his antibodies would start fighting the virus and he could heal on his own. So that day/night, we just waited it out.

And then he developed a very chesty cough. I was instantly thinking it could have been whooping cough. I was at breaking point, I couldn't even have a conversation without wanting to cry. We went straight back to the doctor for the third time, and she advised me that I should start taking the antibiotics and if i didn't see an improvement within half a day, to take him straight to the hospital, as it looked like it could be turning into Bronchiolitis.

He was exhausted and clearly unwell, I hadn't slept for days and was constantly in tears trying to figure out what I could do to help him. I hadn't had a shower, hadn't brushed my hair or my teeth and I probably needed some deodorant. I wasn't looking after myself, and it wasn't helping either of us.

In those few days, I realised one thing. I am no longer number one in my life. Not even close. I also realised there is nothing I wouldn't do for my son.

Luckily enough, the antibiotics started working right away and I could visibly see and hear him feeling better. When I wrote this it had been almost two weeks since then and he still was a little congested, but feeling much much better.

So, if you find yourself in the same situation and you freak out, just go to the doctors or the hospital. Trust your gut instinct. Go a million times if you have to, and don't feel embarrassed. It will pass!