First of all.. ARRGHHH!
When I called to make my appointment with Melbourne Pathology, I was told that I needed to fast for 8-12 hours prior to the appointment, James was very specific with his instructions "TAP WATER ONLY, AND ONLY IF YOU MUST!!!". I was instantly dreading the cravings I knew I would have for food the second it was mentioned. I am the person who wants to touch the ''red button'' when told not to. How will I survive that long without food? Does James not understand I eat as much as I breathe?!
I then was told the test would take over 3 hours, and to bring a magazine because there would be a lot of waiting time. I am not a very good ''waiter''. Not only do I irritate other patients but violently shaking my legs backwards and forwards, I also have major resting bitch face, pair that with hunger and we have ourselves a grade A bitch.
So I arrive at the clinic at 8am, (no appointment needed) and take a seat. Jose calls me within seconds to come into the room and take a seat. He is obviously less of a morning person than I am, and seems very displeased that I was there so early. We began by taking three blood samples - it's not easy trying to find a cooperative vein when you haven't had anything to eat or drink for 12 hours. So far, butchering was minimal.
I was then handed the most delicious drink in the world, NOT. It made me want to gag the second I had a sip. Jose obviously had somewhere to be (you'd think it would be attending to me, his patient?) and impatiently asked me if I had finished the drink yet, to which I said ''no'' - but what I really felt like saying was, unless you want spew all over your shoes buddy, you're going to let me drink this as slowly as I like.
Once I had finished the most disgusting thing I have ever drank, I was told to go outside and wait for an hour, and I would be called back in for three more blood tests.
So out I went into the waiting room, luckily my beautiful Mother accompanied me, otherwise I may have lost my mind. I felt so incredibly nauseated by the drink, I sat like a bratty child with my arms crossed and my brows furrowed. I honestly would have looked so unapproachable and definitely not likeable.. but the next thing I know, there is a man coming over to me. "Hi, I'm Brett from *something something* photography, I'd love to offer you a free maternity shoot and use your images for my studio".. cue my "you've got to be joking me with that line, bud''. I grab his details and google him.. well, what do you know! Photographer of 25 years, beautiful studio in Hawthorn and really, very talented. This completely shocked me, as I honestly looked like I'd been hit by a bus, twice. This definitely lifted my mood a little!
Next thing, Jose is calling me back into the room. For some reason I thought I would have to drink another bottle of the death fluid, but nope, just another three blood tests. I was then told to wait another hour, and we will do the remainder of the tests then. The veins were becoming less and less cooperative, I could tell Jose had woken up a little more at this point and was beginning to feel bad about stabbing me.
At this stage, my stomach began to eat itself. (or could it have been my baby eating it?) ..either way, I was starting to get crazy. The next hour was horrible.. I started to feel very ill, and by the time Jose had finished taking my blood for the third session- my body had had enough. A hot flush came over me, and I sweated completely through my clothes. I began shaking and couldn't stand up, I looked like I had been thrown in a freezing cold swimming pool.. eventually I got up and into the car, luckily home was only two minutes away.
I ran through the door and ate 3 slices of cake within two seconds, two slices of toast with smashed avocado and tomato and downed about a litre of water all in the time my mother was waiting for the kettle to boil. You should have seen the look of surprise she gave me!
After eating what felt like was my weight in food, I went straight to bed and fell asleep for the next 3 hours. It was definitely not a pleasant experience, and one that I won't be looking forward to experiencing again! I hope it's much, much better for you - as Jose did mention, a lot of people LOVE the drink and LOVE the sugar! So good luck!
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